Just from todays

aah so i failed! oh no! i drank a little bit of coke today1and it tasted sweet! haha but no more coke! i need my determination to be a little thinner to a size 16 or 15! at least... I'm so disappointed in myself i dont know what to do!. and the noticias killed my mood today. they were showing how they were torturing cows and such it wasn't cool im scarred for life no with the images in my head:/.

Peice of lard?

so it has been 3 weeks without soda! and i haven't been craving it. its a good thing. soda helps you gain more weight right? well yeah when i had drank soda 2 weeks ago it just tasted nasty for some reason. i didnt find it more tasteful.

I'm proud that I'm on this strict new diet. i don't know how much i weigh, but hopefully i lost at least 10 pounds out of this. This New diet will change my life i hope. the last time i weighed myself i was like.... 240 its alot but i am kind of tall. and if i keep it up i can be taller from what i hear from my family.

so i kind of deny this. but i cheated! aah! i ate mcdonald and taco bell sadly and at school they gave out chocolate pudding! aah but i did a huge major workout nonstop to lose it!. i even made myself throwup all of that fat and hamburgers. i felt a so ashamed and sad. that i just threw it all out. im not proud of it. but oh well what can i do? so now im moving my diet for another month for big improvements for myself and i WILL NOT <---- let myself down now... did i mention i just drink water and juice? mostly water. and i havent ate chips in a Long time which is good(:. so yeah wish me luck thanks for reading.

The Smell Of Water

i love the ocean with all my heart!. it makes me feel like there's no tomorrow.  I can't Never imagine not living near the ocean. to hear the waves crash towards our land. the seagulls crying out. the ocean is filled with thoughts and mysteries. though the ocean to me is fully alive filled with lost souls. Washing up all my emotions on the seashore. Making me think of many things other than starbucks. starbucks is just for a relaxing state of mind for me. the ocean makes me feel more me. more pure in my soul. Making Me have more dignity in me. i love the way how my feet is on the soft sand. looking at the mar (ocean) makes me wonder what kind of world is out there. will it be for me? will i understand what the world gives me? who knows... but i love the ocean. i love the sandy water smell. its so fresh.

Starbucks!

Aaaah the sweet scent of coffee in the air. enjoying my java chip frappacino. with a bread of croissant bread. i think that's the name of the bread. Starbucks is one of my favorite coffee places i cane ever be. its relaxing and plays cool music that touch's my tune edge. now i just need a lap top and start blogging. that would be very pleasant. Starbucks Relaxes my mind and makes me wonder A-lot of what I'm Going to do in life. but if you ever need to be in a safe place to get a good ol coffee go to Starbucks(:

So this is the frappacino i soo totally love! it doesn't really taste like coffee. it taste kind of chocolaty. they give piece's of chocolate in the coffee. with the soft pluffy whip cream on top mixed with chocolate syrup. mmm dam i want one now think about this

Im going to want to taste this ice cream now! i never tasted it but now that i discovered they selled this ice cream Ima want to buy and taste it ^.^

In Like of a stranger

so I'm in LIKE of this stranger i know him, personally. i like this kid a-lot ever since i saw hi in my freshman year of high school there was something about him that caught my eye. and every time we would look at each other i have this strange connection (don't think about twilight its so gay). i know i have always say this about some guys but this one is really special for some reason. i hope my feelings don't mistake this again. cause i truly like this guy. he's sweet, he's chill, he loves the music i listen to also. i wish he can be mine. but sadly no hes taken. and nothing i can do about it. when i found out a few years ago he was taken my heart broke into little pieces. i feel like my other half of my heart torn out. there's nothing i can do now but wait. but i get the feeling he will never be mine. he shows so much love toward his girl. i wish i had that kind of love. this stranger i know is a stranger to my heart. when we look i get happy. he'll look when i wont stare but i notice. i wish he was mine. i bet sound pretty insane here right now like a psycho stalker person but truly I'm not. just expressing my feelings. there's no judge in that.... hopefully ha ha. but yeah i bet i sound creepy oh well I'm still in like with this person. and hopefully i will let these feelings out soon

Waiting In Empty Heart

So No Luck on finding a true guy. (For reals) all the guys i meet are usually just to use me for their pleasure. and if i meet "the one guy" he is either taken or not interested. it gets very annoying but i'm not really dissatisfied anymore. i came to the point where i'm just used to it. or just think i'm not that OK looking. so here i am waiting in a empty heart. i really don't like people asking about my sex or love life. to me its kind of embarrassing for some reason. god knows why. but yeah ive experience many many things about relationships that it makes me scared in a way.

Female Thrash Band! Meanstreak

so this band name mean streak really got to my tune edge. they sound pretty chill I've been hearing them for a month now. there a female thrash band from the 80's. they never became famous or anything but i don't care their an A OK for me. some people think that female thrash band suck. i don't think so i think it gives a little more something for ... but other than that i suggest you should listen to the lyrics than of what how they sound like.

Explosion Aggravation

Soon my family will have a huge misunderstanding. we all have a lot of anger and hatred for each other, including me. i have grew so much hatred i cannot bear no longer. i hope i don’t crack. its hard for my family to control this. especially my father who becomes like the hulk and goes ballistic. he is the main of our anger and hatred. he himself will find out what is coming for him. lets just hope that day won’t be there….

Welcome New Blog!

so i have a new account for Blogger. my old account apparently... I forgot both yahoo email and Google email. so my old blogger is alone and not be written well typing. no more but never the less i created a new one! muahaha! so im sharing my thoughts and expressing my life the way i want to.

for those who know me and read my blogs. please don't judge and discrimination's.  i don't need your gossip. i don't your criticism. these are my quota's, these are my thoughts, and these are my free will of expressing my soul.  so please keep your opinion to your self. if any insulting comment i shall delete it.

 this blog is from my own free will. i feel like i give myself more credit for typing my thoughts and opinions from this shattered world we live in. i love writing! ever since i can remember i love telling story's. i love writing my expressions in my journals. i loved how i used to make scrap books with my writing and telling story's about the picture i took. and so i have came to think that "hey why not blog!" well feel free to read. and if you like it and feel that i have given you something worth reading for then i am grateful.